When "Your Mentor" Leaves

We all remember when Simba lost Mufasa and he spent his whole young adult lionhood trying answer all the unanswered questions.

 

We all know that Simba eventually learns that Mufasa is "in him" and he goes on through the rest of the movie (and the sequels) to channel the lessons and messages Mufasa taught him in the short time he knew him.

 

 

 

 

Probably once or twice in your life, someone who was important to you "disappeared". Maybe it was a friend who moved away, simply lost contact with, or someone who was a part of some important time in your life that is now over.

But Mentors are the hardest to lose. These were people we went to for EVERYTHING, and their answers were ALWAYS RIGHT.

 

So what do you do

when your mentor disappears?

I have had multiple mentors in my life, but what I still can't handle is WHEN they change. Its so spontaneous and unexpected, and every time I feel like complaining to a higher power, "But I wasn't ready for them to leave"!!
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Mentor Flashback:

My 4th grade teacher, Mr. Carroll, was probably the first male figure I ever became close to in my life. Having an extremely "by the book" father conditioned me to associate males with a dominant, unemotional, cold character. Fear, of a consuming/paralyzing type, always used to come over me when within a five foot radius males (and this still even happens today at the age of 21. Which has probably aided my last 3 years of being single. But that is a whole other issue we can devel into later).

When my mother heard the news that I was going to have my first male teacher, she was concerned how I would react and be able to handle it.  It took me MONTHS to warm up to Mr. Carroll. I distinctly remember a moment when he made me cry because I was the only student in the class who just couldn't master their upper time's tables (I mean come on, the 12Xs tables are hard)! I remember him giving me the most disappointing look every. And then I fled to the bathroom where tears cried a river that even Justin Timberlake could not compare to.

 But as time went on, I began to understand my past rough experiences with Mr. Carroll as being confidence lessons. All the times he pointed me out in the class or was "disappointed" in me (as he would say), were actually just him believing in a greater self that I, as a 10 year old only consumed by making my 4th grade crush love me, did not see. Mr. Carroll saw the "real me", which whom only few have been able to do since. Mr. Carroll ultimately was the mentor that sparked the greater belief in myself.

I remember the day in 5th grade when I heard my school district "fired" Mr. Carroll, for reasons that give it a mythical feel, as no one has been able to truly indicate why a man who impacted every child who sat in his office could be fired.

And thus started the grieving of losing the most important teacher, I still say I have ever had in my life. I have not seen Mr. Carroll since the last day of 4th grade.


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Remember my post about "Finding Your People", well I never discussed how you  cope  when you lose one of "Your People".

Whether you lost your "Mom", "Clown", or "Mentor" figure in your life, here is how to possibly handle the whys, what-ifs, and now-whats.


Stop trying to figure out "WHY"- Whether your "person"drifted away, you or they moved, or a new chapter started in your life, (and for many of you freshmen trying to deal with the transition between old and new mentor), don't try to figure why they are no longer invested in you, in your life and why it is happening. This will only lead to more heartbreak and ultimately you trying to piece together a puzzle that has so many answers. Mentors leave your life for different reasons, whether self inflicted or simply fate. So focusing on "What you did wrong?" or " How you can get them back in "Your People" will be useless.

Stop Saying "What if"- I am the Queen of "Jumping to Conclusions". When something unknown happens I turn for the worst. So when a mentor disappears on me, I immediately jump to extreme "What ifs" triggers like: I upset them, they did something drastic, they found our relationship annoying, and on and on and on (evening including they "Disappeared or Died" which I know is dramatic but you NEVER KNOW!).

So then I try the "What if" solvers like: What if I call them? What if I get an attitude and ignore them like they are ignoring me? What if I act like nothing is wrong?


Now What?-  "Your People" are people who ultimately help us grow. And just like anything in your life, you can't grow if you continue with the same routine and avoid change.

So maybe what I am saying is- 

Saying goodbye to one of our "our people" means we have learned and mastered the skills and knowledge we lacked.

 What they were sent to us for.   

I truly believe we are "Sent to those who help use most to grow".-Wicked

So whether you are a freshmen starting out without your "person" this fall or a senior like myself watching your "your people"  slowly disappear before your eyes. I encourage you to accept it and remember:

 

There is good in goodbye.

 &

 Goodbye doesn't have to be forever.

Best Wishes,

Meredith